Two words that don’t fit well together: Vacation and Breakdown

Dear Heavenly Father,

Well, it was a vacation to remember. Hot summer nights in a crowded humid Mid-Western city. Several good memories were made and some not so good ones. Things that in the moment were not funny, but now I can look back and laugh…and see how you were working in my favor. I had no idea this would be an ending to a new beginning. The last family vacation as whole unit.

The car getting broke into was just the begining. They didn’t take much, just left a small hole in the door. Kind of like the hole that was starting to form in my heart. I could tell he was somewhere else. This vacation was not his idea and he didn’t really seem to want to be there. He was starting to be distant, ever so faint, but becoming more noticeable to me. Never the less, we were thankful. It was just a car, loved ones were safe.

You knew what was going to happen next, on that long drive home. There we were about an hour from home when the check engine light came on. He instructed me to get out the manual to see what it could possibly mean. He made the decision to get off on the next exit to investigate further. We didn’t know that we would get stuck on that exit ramp. The car was dead. 100%. Would not turn over, make a sound, nothing. He was on the exit ramp of our marriage. He’d already taken that exit road off and he wasn’t going to get back on. Thanks to you Father, that it did start once, enough to gun it and at least get off the ramp and onto the side of the road.

He made the call to my father. He had a car trailer and could get us loaded up. It wasn’t the last time I had to call my father to come save myself and my kids. Praise God for a Dollar General within walking distance for a cool shady place to hang out while we waited for grandpa to arrive.

Sitting there in the waiting, I made a mental note that I was done with this car. We had so many breakdowns and had spent so much money on it that I was just done. I knew what I was going to do, and yet told no one at the time. You had kept stirring a thought and this breakdown was what I needed to prompt me to move on it.

After getting home I secretly started researching what I needed to do to become a substitute teacher. I told a friend about my plans at the pool one afternoon. It scared me to say it out loud. To me, that met I was fully committed to something I wasn’t sure I was made to do, but I wanted to earn some extra money so we could trade in our car for something more reliable. I was willing to step out, try something new because I was so tired of the old.

I soon did tell my husband of my plans to get certified to become a substitute teacher. He said I could do whatever I wanted. I had made up my mind that if I didn’t like it then I wouldn’t have to keep doing it. We didn’t really need the money. We could have saved up to buy a newer car, I just wanted to speed up the process. At least that’s what I thought. I had no idea how You were preparing me for my future and putting me right where I needed to be.

Thank you God for breaking down our car that hot July day in the middle of Western Kansas. That was one of the best blessings you gave me. That day was the beginning of a journey I had no idea was just starting. This is how my rescue story starts.

Until next time,

I love you.

Help me to keep trusting that You are using what seems painful, broken and difficult to prepare me for what is coming.

Your Beloved Daughter

Where to start

Dear God,

I’m not even sure where to start. I sense that you want me to share my story. I don’t even know where to begin.

I find no coincidence that my daily devotion this past week was about “scarcity” and believing that my story is not needed to be heard because it’ll just be another one on a shelf/website somewhere. Then I just happen to comment on another blog, sharing just a fraction of my experience. I’m sure you were not shocked to see Susie’s reply to mine.

I was.

Especially when she wrote how she felt so connected to my story and was glad there were other people she could relate to. My story didn’t make her feel so alone.


That’s how I feel a lot lately. I sit here wondering why you have allowed to happen what has happened. I feel a lot like Job. I have not experienced what he did to that extent, but I’m sure he felt alone. He lost everything he loved. I have not lost everything, but it’s sure feels like it at times.

God, will you please guide me. Show me where you want me to go. Help me know what to write or speak to give others hope. I want my pain to bring glory to You. Lead me down this path. I’m no writer or speaker. I’m reminded that You don’t call the equipped, You equip the called.

I’m willing.
I have nothing left. It’s all yours.

Here is my committment to start.


Thankful for your love, today and forever,

Your Beloved

I’m Never Leaving

April 24th, 2020

Dear Beloved,

I know today is hard, you had no idea when you said “I do” twenty years ago that he’d tell you “I don’t” and choose to tell someone else “I do”.  I know it feels like you are also saying “I do” to her as well.  Despite how people want to leave the past in the past, it’s not possible when you have children together and families are blended.  Put your trust in Me, not in people.  People change, yet I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

 I will never fail or forsake you.

It hurts right now because you’re still hurting.  Eventually you’ll pick up the pieces of your heart and put them back together.  It won’t be the same as it was, nothing broken is ever put back together in its original shape.  But know that it will still work, and that most things that are broken grow back stronger. 

Keep trusting me, I will heal your broken heart.

You’ll make it.  Cry when you need to, it’s healing for your soul.   It’s okay to grieve what you’ve lost.    Remember that you haven’t lost the most important One. 

I’m still here. 

I’ve got you.

 I’ve had you from the beginning.

 I knew you were going to endure this and I chose it to be you because you’re strong and know how to fully rely on me.  I’ve met every single need of yours, down to the tiniest details.  Trust me to continue meeting your needs. 

I love you. 

You are mine. 

I’m never leaving you. 



“and to the one who has not been loved, I’ll rename her “beloved”.”  Romans 9:25


Your Heavenly Father