Here I am again, Lord. Struggling to believe in your faithfulness and goodness that You have planned for me. The lies of satan have been loud and I’m struggling to turn them off. So, I will choose to remember how you lead me through a desert, to a place where waters will flow. You DO have a plan, and here is how my rescuing began.
Easter weekend, 2018
It had been less than a month since my husband had left. By this time he’d lost his job and was out of work. I was subbing at school every day I could to get some income. He’d already told me that I needed to get a job. I interpreted these words from him to mean, that a) he wasn’t coming back to the marriage or b) he wasn’t sure if he’d find another job soon because of how seriously wrong the decisions he made were. In the back of my mind, it was choice A that I believed. If I had to work, then I wanted to be on a similar schedule as my own kids. Working at the school made the most sense to me, the only downside was that I had a college degree, just not one in education. My son’s 3rd grade teacher was just finishing up a year long online transition to teaching program thru K-State. I’d actually already asked her about it and she informed me that the deadline to enroll had just passed. I checked online, and she was correct. I was too late to start the following summer. Well, I thought to myself, I could start the next year. I’ll figure something out for a year, then start on that degree. In the meantime I kept subbing at school. A few teachers knew of my current situation and one day at lunch one of them suggested that I email the person in charge of that program to see if they’d let me in. I was only a couple weeks behind, surely they’d accept me.
It was on a late Friday night that I finally typed the website into my browser to find out who I needed to contact about trying to get in. It was Easter weekend, which also happened to be my son’s birthday, and my brother and his family were about to arrive that night to spend the holiday with us.
I remember it being after 11:00. I was tired. My life was like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle and there was no water left to spin out. I was dry and wrung out. As I finally found the page for this teaching program I couldn’t believe what my eyes saw. There it was in large print.
Enrollment Deadline Extended
I was beside myself. Was I that tired that I was imagining things or was this really true? At that very moment my brother’s family walked thru the front door. I hurriedly had them come look at the computer screen to tell me what they saw. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind.
It was correct. The deadline to enroll in this teaching program had been extended. I had just looked a couple weeks prior and it clearly stated that the deadline was passed and they were not taking new students.
You, God, opened that program back up for me. You literally had them reopen it so I had the opportunity to start this program.
Wow! I still get chills when I think about how faithful you were. You were leading me down a path and made it so easy to follow.
I spent the weekend filling out all the paperwork to apply to be in this program. I soon found out that I was accepted, had a ton more paperwork to fill out and even some tests that I had to pass. Somehow, I got it all done (and even passed the tests) within a couple weeks. Which was good, because my classes started soon after.
In the meantime, I was hired as the school secretary. I had a job!! And at the school!! Praise the Lord for getting me a job with a very similar schedule as my kids. The desire of my heart was to continue to be a SAHM as much as possible, this was about the closest I could get to that. The only problem was that the secretary got paid about half as what a teacher does. Could I live on a very small salary for one year? Once I got my teaching degree would there be any openings available? How was I going to pay for this degree? Where was the money going to come from?
I remember the song that came on the radio as soon as I got in the car after taking those Praxis tests to get in this program. The words said “You’ve got me stepping out on water”. That is exactly how I felt. I had no idea how this was going to work, I was just keeping my eyes on you and walking on water. If I thought to much about it, I’d start to sink.
This part of the story is only beginning. I’ll write more on another day about how you just performed miracle after miracle. It’s pretty amazing how faithful you were. I’ll trust that you will continue to be the same consistent, faithful, all-knowing God in the future.
Thanks for letting me remember how You really do know what’s best. You’re plan is better than mine.